The Blah Report

Today isn't a very interesting day here on the blog. Today's entry mostly consists of the various things that come to mind while hooked up to "Laughing Gas" at the dentist's office.

I'll start by saying that those who know me and my metabolism, will likely know how this story goes. For those who are unfamiliar, I metabolize things very quickly. So it takes some effort to get drunk, high, or otherwise influenced by substances. This is of course aided by my vain love of self and the refusal to be anything but myself of course. (I'm not too proud to admit my faults. I'm a vain man when I want to be.) Anyway, this makes the trip to a dentist a terrible time. In my youth, I wasn't aware of my "talent" for resistance, so I never thought to ask doctors or dentists to "pump up the volume" when giving me medicine. This means that I ended up in a lot of pain sometimes, because the numbing medication had ZERO effect.

So now I make it a point to ensure they understand this. So they gassed me in order to overcome my nervousness during today's visit. But guess what? The other part of my gift showed up! The part that develops immunities! Since I've been gassed two previous times, my body was able to cut through the BS and go straight to just fine. Yay me! So that meant I had to distract myself while they shot me up with lots of numbing medication (8 times!).

This encounter, combined with a renewed interest in media that discusses genetic engineering and super soldiers, made me realize that if there ever was a real program like that, they should get a copy of whatever that gene is within me. I could only image the type of resistance that gene could develop if "unfettered". Could you imagine what would happen if science made a person capable of developing immunities to chemical processes? Vital attacks, germ warfare, and biological terrorism being completely worthless, because of an autoimmune response against these attacks.

Then again, the person would never be capable of having any type of humane medical procedure. Immunity to painkillers? Immunity to anesthesia? That super soldier better come with an off/on switch to their pain, because let me tell you, there is nothing so awkwardly damaging as being awake during a surgical procedure. Even if you aren't capable of feeling any pain at the time, being awake while things are broken and cut takes on a while new perspective when you are the one being broken and cut.

Of course, while the dentist I visited is a great office with nice staff, they have the rooms set up in a manner that really messed with my head. The nice comfy chair faces the one way window, so you get to people watch with impunity. However, once the chair is leaned back, as is often the case in a dental office, the cars that pass by are merely glimmers that show up out of the lower peripheral, while the sun reflects off them and creates a reflection in the upper peripheral. So now you have the feeling of lots of people walking in the room. Which is compounded by the fact that the entryways into the room are behind the big chair, so anyone entering the room comes from behind you unannounced.

Needless to say, my own mental issues made it impossible to ever get to the laughing stage of the day. So scientists, get to work on building that super soldier. Brain, get to work on being less paranoid. Reader, thanks for reading through my strange mental process.

Until next time, dear reader.

Equality is whimsical, no?

Today marks the commemoration of 50 years since the march on Washington, D.C. and the "I have a dream" speech of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The videos and speeches that took place over the weekend prior show just how far we've come...and how far we have to go until there is true equality in our country. While there have been amazing strides taken, I can't help but feel like there are certainly situations that show how far things need to go before we can consider "all men created equal." To quote one of the speakers from this weekend (I'd specify who if my memory allowed it), "We live in a country where a black man can be voted President of the United States. We live in a country where a black man can be profiled for wearing a hoodie."

I remember reading a video game website, The Penny Arcade Report, where the writer describes the foolish things that they did in their youth. While he was mentioning how unjust the legal system had dealt with a young boy for comments made over Facebook, I couldn't help but be awed by the things that were okay for a young man to do by their standards. One of the comments under the article seemed to agree with me. The foolish things they mentioned doing would have been near suicidal for me to do as a kid. Fireworks in a neighbor's mailbox? The police would have treated me like an urban terrorist. Or worse.

To compound issues, there is this politically motivated concept that it now "sucks to be white in America." I just cannot fathom this viewpoint. I had to learn to pull my wallet and insurance out of the car and leave them in plain sight when pulled over to avoid being shot. I have to deal with the purse clutching and door locking that happens just because I'm walking past. Statistics also show that it does not, in fact, suck to be Caucasian. So this is an ideology that I cannot understand.

This type of thing is made even worse when you hear stories of the police trying to help a person get into their car when they got locked out and were trying to break in. I've been stopped while sitting in my parked car at my apartment complex to make sure the car wasn't stolen. Profiling is a very real thing and it perpetuates all of the racial stereotypes that are so divisive.

Yet there is hope. I can look at my kids and see a generation that is opposed to this type of hatred and bigotry. As time moves on, we may face a future where it is possible to truly see people judged not by their race, but by their actions and the "content of their character." So I do my part to teach my children to love and embrace differences.

Hopeful it resonates with the others they interact with as well.

Until next time, dear reader.

Seeing The Forest, Not The Trees

An interesting dispute occurred to me today. One of those issues that really drives a wedge between two people, especially when they are really intimate. This issue is one of expectation.

The expectation that people have when they measure an individual. It's very easy to see this issue when you look at some married couples. They are miserable together and actually don't like each other, all because they don't like who the person is versus who they expected them to be.

I remember the letters and notes that I was required to write to my future self in grade school, and there was invariably the theme of enjoying the things that I liked then. I wanted to share a connection with my future self through the toys and games that I loved as a kid. I think everyone shares a similar longing, at least I assume based upon the amount of material that is meant to invoke nostalgia nowadays.

However, certain aspects of my childhood have been shed our put aside. This is only natural as we mature. Yet, am I to be expected to throw all of these things away? Am I to cast the entirety of my formative years away merely because the number that denotes my time upon this earth has increased? I really don't think it should. I'm sure there are people out there that feel similarly in their own expectations.

So when I expect that who I am today will be who I am tomorrow, how do we cope with the people who expected someone else to be there? How do we deal with the friends, family, or spouses that feel justified in expecting a different person? They have seen who we were then and assumed that we would grow into someone else. That time and experience will somehow mold us into the shape that they predict, instead of merely remaining static.

It's a difficult juggling act, and yet I feel it is important to remain true to ourselves. Sometimes that means managing those expectations of others. Sometimes it means have to prune valuable friendships. However, never allow someone else to tell you who you are. The only way you can be personally happy is to accept yourself. And force those around you to do the same if they wish to remain part of your life.

Until next time, dear reader.

Follow Your Heart

Hello, dear readers. I'm truly sorry for the long hiatus. I've made the mistake of listening to advice that really doesn't suit me or the manner in which I operate.

A few years ago, I was talking with a family member about all of the things that I wanted to do with my life. Her advice was to drop some of those things and just focus on the one that was the most important. This of course opened a course of questions that I'm only just now resolving. The most important of which was: Important to whom?

Pursuing my personal goals, such as getting my degree and starting my business, are obviously the most important goals to me. However, the most important goal for my family is to get a promotion at my current job, or even to get a better paying job elsewhere. Which do I follow? Where do I go?

I chose to focus on my degree and to just make it through my days at work. As a result, a lot of my personal motivations dried up. The desire to accomplish anything of importance was drastically diminished because I work best when I'm loaded up with things I WANT to do and accomplish.

So here I am. Loading myself up with responsibilities and desires. If I don't force myself to improve, how can I expect anything to change

Anyway, thank you for being a platform for me to voice my ideas and thoughts. I appreciate the time that you take to read my words.

Until next time, dear reader.

Emotion Laid Bare

Hello reader! I truly apologize for my absence. I know that it's been a few weeks and I've not provided my end of the reader-blog writer agreement. So, I'm here now to try and rectify that situation.

One of the things that has been bothering me lately is not really feeling like I have an emotional release. I live by rules of logic and so I generally under utilize my emotions. Of course, as we all know, this will eventually lead to some sort of breakdown. I suppose tonight was that night for me.

Trying to reach out and access those emotions that have been bottled up, laying myself out there and trusting that it's okay to be vulnerable... Which then results in a rejection. Normally, I can use logic to rationalize why the rejection occurred and just sheriff it off. However, tonight was just a culmination of a lot of different factors, ending in this feeling of having my soul crushed. Even now, I'm trying to rationalize and justify away the emotions, just so I don't have to process them. Which is incredibly unhealthy. But when I don't have a person that I feel it would be fair to dump them on, what do you do?

I know that I've been battling this feeling of being a failure. I feel like I'm failing myself mostly, which is the hardest type of failure to deal with for me. I expend so much of my time trying to help others or pretend as if everything is great, when the reality is far different. I also know that spending so much time alone doesn't help, as I really enjoy social interaction. Talking and bouncing ideas off another person, or persons, helps to assuage these feelings of self-doubt and show me just how I'm not at all failing.

It's something to keep in mind anyway. Now to find a positive manner of dealing with my hurt feelings and processing my emotions like a mature adult. This is all a learning experience though, right? True wisdom is something you earn by living through these types of lessons.

Sorry for the downer blog post. I suppose it was just something I needed to get off my virtual chest, right?

Until next time, dear reader.

Getting Things Done

While I have been torn about what to write in this week's blog post, I've finally had a moment of clarity to help me decide.

There have been a number of different political occurrences that have caused me to decide on a political rant. This story in particular really upset me. In order for this to make sense, I suppose I'll have to enumerate why.

As a formerly militant child, I definitely don't believe in stupidity to share my political opinions. It is much the same reason that I don't post political rants on Facebook or Twitter. The medium devalues the spirit of the message. In the case of the linked article, the means of sharing his political opinion causes the message to look like the rantings of a moron. Instead of making himself a stronger political contender through community service and activism, he allowed himself to give in to his frustrations.

I know that I try to write to my politicians to ensure that they understand my position and expectations of their job. While it may not mean much to the politician in question, it ensures that I stay knowledgeable of what they have accomplished while they were in office.

I certainly welcome any of you all to do the same. When there is a large issue at stake, contact your politician. If you have an opinion on "gun control" that differs from the official that represents you, contact them and let them know. Nothing will change if you don't do something to change it. There are even politicians that will respond, though some will only give you canned responses. Even better, go out and do something for your community. Make yourself the change that you want to see. Instead of posting witty photos full of half-truth on your social media websites, get out and rally your community.

That kind of thing is how you turn the rantings of a crazed person, into positive social and political change.

Until next time, dear reader.

Creative Problems

Hello! Welcome to another view into the strangeness that is my mind.

Today has had my mind on fire with different ideas and concepts. This is normally not a bad thing, because it gives me cool concepts for future stories. However, I am surrounded by amazingly talented people. These people fuel that creative fire and push me to express the crazy ideas I come up with. In allowing me to indulge the creative centers of my mind, they drive me to find myself creating places, characters, and events that can sometimes distract from more practical matters. This is especially true because my friends and I are consummate critics with a fondness for nuances characters.

As a result, the characters that I create must be layered and flawed. They have to have a history that explains their motivations and reasoning. Without these elements, they're just straw men in my mind. Of course, I'm a sci-fi junkie, so my stories tend to lean more in that direction. Yet I find it's the grounding in realism that makes me enjoy the creative process so much. Studying history and then twisting the outcomes of battles and wars in order to create my own flow of events is interesting to me. It is probably the reason that I get so lost within books (Which my family could tell you some tales about). The world and the characters are the catalyst for my own creative engine.

With the advanced reader's copies that I have received, it makes the desire to devour those books even greater. Getting to enjoy a book in its "raw" form is a treat for my inner editor. Especially as the themes have been ones that I've really enjoyed. I might do some reviews for those at a later time. They've certainly asked me to learn about some authors and book series that I am now looking forward to reading.

Anyway, I'm off to try and put some of these ideas to paper. It makes the fleshing out process so much more enjoyable. So this bookworm is hoping you have a great day!

Until next time, dear reader.

A Foray Into The Mind

Well I'm back for another exciting update to this blog. I've also decided that my updates are too sporadic, so I thought it best to place my updates on a schedule. So look for more regular updates from me. Now onto the "meat" of this post!

I mentioned getting an advanced readers copy of a novel, which I intend to give a brief review on. The book is called The Ability. This is the first novel by author M. M. Vaughn. Here is the book listing over at Amazon. This book is a young reader book, so don't expect much violence or more mature themes within this book.

The book begins with a prologue the seems slightly disjointed from the next few chapters. This is the result of a time skip in the books continuity. However, don't let that dissuade you from reading this book! The prologue eventually leads to a fairly well telegraphed plot twist that drives the antagonists in the story. The main character is well fleshed out and really creates an engaging young boy that you can cheer for. Even when he is doing wrong, he is altruistic in his goals. Some of the other characters could stand to be a bit more fleshed out, however that is something that can be rectified in the sequels this book leaves open. The premise that children have the ability to access the full power off the mind and so they must be called upon to aid their country is an interesting one. With powers like telepathy, telekinesis, and remote viewing, these children have the ability to do tremendous, or horrific things. Seeing both sides of this duality, from the perspective of the antagonists, twin boys Ernest and Mortimer Genver, and the protagonist, Christopher Lane, makes for an exciting chase to see who will win.

Overall, I'd say this book is a really fun leading story for a larger two or three part series. The universe that it is set in comes with a rule that children only have access to their special ability when they are twelve years old. As a result, the story that follows can only go so far. However, I look forward to where the story will lead. Be sure to look for this book come April 23rd!

Please Stay Tuned

The title always reminds me of the television show, The Outer Limits.

Anyway, I'm feeling under the weather, so I've not gotten around to blogging (yes, so sick that writing words is hard...). However, I do intend to do a literacy review of a book that I got a pre-publication copy of from my job. So like the title says, please stay tuned.

Until next time, dear reader.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Sorry to all of my readers out there for the long delay between posts. I've definitely not lost the drive to update this blog, but life can get very busy.

There have been a number of different small issues that have cropped up and stolen all of my available leisure time. With the snow system that has just recently blown through the region (with another on the way), I ended up getting stuck at work. I was able to get to work just fine, but then the snow just dropped and arranged me there. So I had the pleasure of spending the night alone in a hotel room. While this might be nice for most people, I'm not one for boredom or solitary. With the solitary, I was able to really put together my thoughts about home and the significance of a place to go home to.

I suppose the thought truly germinated from a few weeks back. I was attending a Celebration of Life for a friend's grandmother and I realized that it was at the same location for that friend's wedding reception. This building was used to not only celebrate the happiness and birth of a burgeoning life together, but now it celebrates the memories and happiness of a life well lived. Then we fast forward to the previously mentioned stay at my job's hotel room and the heartache of being in this room alone. To make matters worse, I then went to visit some of wife's family to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday. The person who owns the home has a military suppose, so the family has to move again.

Listening to the hardship of packing up, again, and moving her kids to another place, especially when they have a nice house that they've made into a home, really brought this all home for me. In the literal sense of the word, a house is a home. But there is so much more to a home than just a location for shelter. The emotions and memories that we create suffuse the walls of the home and create a place that constantly bind us together. The physical structure that comprises a house takes on a metaphysical element. It's a nice trap to get captured in and it is part of why owning a home is such a big deal. The ability to have a space to create unrestrained memories can be a heady tonic.

My own home is one that has no physical location. I've been married for six years. I've lived with the woman that is now my wife for almost nine years. The memories that we have created together are what I consider home. So sleeping in a hotel bed doesn't fill me with wishes to sleep in my bed at my building of residence. However, sleeping in a bed that is away from my wife, not being around my children to kiss them goodnight, not hearing the cat creeping around the room or hallway in the middle of the night, and especially being away from the soft sounds of a house full of sleepers during the night, those are things that make a night long and make me homesick. Being on the road with my family, whether the reason is good or bad, is the best road trip, in my opinion.

Until next time, dear reader.

Belated Thoughts For A Corporate Holiday

I meant to write this post yesterday, but I had some emergency visits to the doctor and dentist. Everything is all resolved and I'm happy and healthy, so no need to worry!

Anyway, I wanted to write this the day after Valentine's Day in order to avoid any feelings of elation or detection associated with the day. I understand the feelings that people have either way, but Ihave my own thoughts on the day as well.

I personally have always loved Valentine's Day. Even when I've been alone, the holiday was always one of pouring out love to those you care about. While I know that I tell my wife and kids that I love them everyday, it is nice to make an occasion to commemorate that feeling. I mean, it is great to feel loved and to have the feeling commemorated. It positively reinforces the feelings we already have, while ensuring that there is a good memory associated with it.

An interesting observation that was pointed out to me is that people feel that Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday. The roots of the holiday existed well before the company did, and celebrations for love certainly did. The Ancient Greeks had multiple different words for love. The love that I have for my mother is different than the love that I have for my wife, which is different from the love that I have for my friends. Taking a day to only celebrate one of these types of love seems like a missed opportunity to me. So I like to take Valentine's to move away from the courtship rituals and instead commemorate the love that I have for each and every one of you.

The greatest gift that you can give on Valentine's Day, in my opinion, is the gift of your love. Love binds us together and compels us to be our best for one another. So next year, if you find yourself spending the day alone, remember that there is someone out there that loves you. Even if it is just some person on the internet.

Until next time, dear reader.

Happy Chinese New Year

One of the aspects that I've mentioned that I love is the human experience. The melding of different cultures and background provides some amazing stories. So to that end, my wife and I took our children to the Nelson-Atkins Museum for their Chinese New Year celebration. The art and history in the building already tell an incredible story, so having the live performances, food, and history all in one building was too good to miss.

The Tai Chi demonstration, the scroll painting (where they emphasized that this year is the year of the snake), the Lion Dance, the Yo-Yo demonstration, and the musical performances, along with an amazing piece of artwork in the main hall sold this event for me and my family. While it did end up being a popular celebration, I would not let the crowds deter you.

The history and traditions of the Chinese people are amazing and I enjoyed getting to experience a bit of that. Next best thing to actually going to China, right? Maybe some other time!

I'll leave you all with a few pictures of the event.

Until next time, dear reader!

Story For Stories Sake

Sometimes it can be lonely when you can't share a viewpoint with a person.

I recently watched a movie that was not that exciting, but had an interesting perspective on the human decision making process. It set up a situation where people with a history of bad decisions have the opportunity to have zero consequences to their actions. These three people were stuck in a time loop, which allowed them to spend their day doing whatever they wished. Whether the decisions were positive or negative, they didn't matter. At first there is the thrill of getting away with anything, but when does it end? When does a person decide that they want to live a better life, even when the small things we decide don't really matter?

This question is one that I love to ask myself. Especially when I'm looking for character inspiration. The best aspect of a character to me is the nuances that make them human. Using Spider-Man as an example; The character of Peter Parker makes a decision to be selfish, despite all of the lectures and talks about responsibility that he was given. The character then goes out and performs his heroics, all the while racked with guilt over his momentary lapse in judgement.

It is also one of the reasons that I loved Les Misérables so much. I just went and recently watched the movie and I was reminded how much I enjoyed the nuances of the characters. You have a man that has a legitimate reason to hate the law and all it stands for turn into an upstanding and honorable man. Taking on commitments of honor and following through, even when it does not aid his own goals or happiness. Then you have a character that sees life in absolutes being taught about moral grey areas and personal motivations. These grey areas challenge the absolutes that he had upheld, and which have aided him and allowed him to succeed in life, and shatter the visage of black and white. The nuances of the characters play off of one another and spin an interesting and entertaining narrative.

Without the human story contained within a story, the words on paper, or electronic screen as the times would have it, are never given life. The characters, the narrative, and the interest in the story all remain flat. Something to remember when I write these posts perhaps...

Until next time, dear reader.

Catharsis and Ranting

The other day, I went out with a couple of friends to a bar. This isn't out of the ordinary. However, this occasion saw the group of us there for many hours. The reason? We live to rant, share, and otherwise exchange words with one another. The ranting is not of the raving, enraged variety, but is instead that cool, calculated logical approach to explaining why there is a particular dislike or criticism to the object of conversation.

The conversation moves from one interest to the next, as conversations invariably do, and the type that we are passionate about show through. Ranting about movies, comic books, politics, work, economic conditions, etc. The lovely thing about bar culture, which seems to be almost universally true, is the ability to drink, relax, and share stories over a pint or two. This culture of sharing and exchanging information, including the occasional rant, somehow always leads to catharsis for the patrons.

The ability to forget the woes of life, even if for only a few hours, and just enjoy the company, the stories, and the ranting and railing, makes a bar a wonderful place. Now I don't say this as an advocate of going out and getting drunk to solve your problems. This last occasion, I didn't even have anything besides water. However, the culture and feel of the bar didn't change one bit. I was among friends and the conversation flowed. The evening was so well spent that we were there until early in the morning without notice. The relaxation and conversation were stimulation enough to bring about the old adage, "Time flies when you're having fun." This is why bars and pubs continue to pull people in. The magic is in the people and the culture. The libations can never compete on their own and that is the way it should be.

Until next time, dear reader.

Ephemeral Thoughts On A Lazy Thursday Night

One of the beautiful elements that this blog has brought into my life is the need to search out inspiration. I don't want to let this blog languish and waste the creative potential, so I look for things that are worth thinking about our sharing with the internet at large. Of course, I like to think of this blog in more intimate terms. I'm writing for those few people that are willing to brave the depths of my mind, or at least humor me enough to read this blog, instead of a large faceless entity. The inspiration that I find can be the mundane things like a rant against a magazine or just thinking about what it means to be human.

Today's inspiration came to me as I was walking through the kitchen at my job. The responsibilities of my job sometimes distract from the beauty of the scene sometimes. Today, I walked out of my office and smelled the rich, sweet scent of the cheesecakes that the pastry chefs were working on. I looked in and saw them mixing and measuring as they prepared another recipe. Then I walked toward the banquet kitchen and smelled the heavy, savory aroma of the Achiote chicken they were preparing. I heard the soft sounds of music playing as the chefs laughed, joked, and talked amongst themselves. The raucous laughter so boisterous, that it places a small smile upon your lips despite not knowing what the joke was about.

As I walk through the main kitchen, I see familiar faces turning and smiling warmly as they see me. Feeling the warmth of that morning greeting from each person that I see. The reminder that these are the people that I see every morning for the majority of the week makes the kitchen seem a lot smaller. A lot cozier. These are people that I've shared stories with. Laughed alongside. Watched my children grow, as I've watched theirs grow. I love seeing the vibrant and fragrant colors of the salads they are working on for the day. Seeing the vibrancy compared to the metal sheen of the tables makes the greens, reds, and whites in the salad stand out all the more.

As I round the corner toward the dish area, I'm greeted by the lilting laughter of the stewards as they work to organize the dishes for washing. They know me by name and loudly greet me as I pass. The sincerity of the greeting makes sure that I greet them in kind each day. After this, I've made it to my starting place in this company. I'm back to the restaurant that started my career at this company. Each day, I'm reminded of the fact that I use to bus tables in this restaurant. Now I'm responsible for all the food and beverages that are served within the hotel. That reminder of how far I've come, and the people that pushed and fought for me to get there, are dear to me. Even though there are new faces in a familiar place, I know that they are always friendly, genuine, and warm. Each and every day.

Looking for the inspiration for this post opened up my eyes to the wonder of what I have already. I have a place to work that, despite all of my complaints or criticisms, is filled with wonderful people, places, smells, views, and emotions. I always thought it strange when businesses would sell their "scent" to customers. Now I get why that is so important to people. The smell incites the sensory memory to remind you of those good times and feelings.

Whenever I happen to leave this place for something greater, these are the types of memories that I'll take away and miss so much. The people and the joy of working with each and every one of them. The joy of watching them work, laugh, and live each day. Those are what I will miss most.

Until next time, dear reader.

Late Night Ruminations

Tonight is one of those nights where the night owl in me is left to sit alone with my thoughts. Everyone else is asleep, so the house is silent and dark. While I know that this is ideal for most people, I find it to be the hardest part of the day. When the house falls dormant, I end up alone for about 5 hours. 5 hours of solitude is awful when you're me. Ever have that feeling of time dragging on forever when you are bored? That's how my brain operates when I'm alone. So I sit and think for what feels like hours. So in the spirit of sharing my solitude, I'll express the current thought that is taking up so much of my cranial capacity today.

Yesterday, I sat in a bar with friends and watched three different sporting events at the same time. At the same time, I was having a conversation with a woman over Twitter. It was interesting to feel like I was connecting and hanging out with a friend in the room. My friends and I laughed and joked at the bar, while my friend and I chatted and joked over a social network. The expansion of the human experience through technology was an amazing experience for me. I have always been a technophile, so being able to connect with the world around me really excited the extrovert in me.

Which of course got me to begin thinking about the extrovert that I am. I'm very insular. I keep my cards close to the chest and I'm very analytical about when I can utilize that information to an advantage. This is one of those nurtured behaviors, as I was taught very early about the power that knowledge and information can give to someone. Yet despite this teaching, I crave the social circle. Being within a group is not nearly enough however. I want to know everything and meet everyone. I suppose that I enjoy the thrill of people. Not necessarily the approval or acceptance, but the experience of meeting them. Of hearing their stories and experiences. The thrill of finding similarities and the challenge of approaching the differences. The extrovert and knowledge gatherer within me crave these elements of the human experience.

This is why I would love to see mankind gain a form of telepathy. Not because I want to read the private thoughts of those around me (Though that would be an interesting experience, if maybe not a bit too revealing!), but so that we can share the emotions and feelings we have along side the words that we use. Imagine listening to a story of how two people meet and feel in love. Imagine if you could feel the passion of that first meeting. Imagine feeling the nervous glances and second thoughts that they had when they worked up the courage to start a relationship. The feel of the emotion when they felt that spark of emotion between them. Our imagine that stereotypical fight between a husband and wife where the woman claims nothing is wrong. Wouldn't it be nice if the husband was able to feel the hurt and anger that she is hiding within her heart? Imagine if he was able to gain just a small bit of insight into why she is upset. Imagine if she was able to feel his genuine concern when he asks what is wrong. I find the thought of being able to connect with others not only on an intellectual level or physical level, but on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level an amazing thought. Words are an excellent means of expressing thoughts and emotions, but sometimes you feel something that you can't accurately describe with the written word.

Anyway, I am enjoying the human experience and I have been absolutely blessed to have amazing people in my life. The family and friends I have allow me to look at all the stories and experiences that I get to be a part of, which is an exciting and humbling thought. The friend that I have business plans with, the friends that share their crazy stories, the family that I created so many cherished memories with, and the family I get to create memories with now..... I'm truly honored. Which is why I also want to do for others this year as well. So, I'll be making sure that I take the opportunities for such activities when I'm able to from now on. Anyway, enough ruminating for one evening.

Until next time, dear reader.

Humans As Resources

I've always heard the name Human Resources and automatically associated it with benefits and employee relations. However, I recently met a person that literally utilizes humans as a resource for client businesses. This type of business has databases or files that they can call on if a client has an opening that they may be compatible with. My first thought was one of curiosity. How does such a business actually work? Funding this type of business can't be easy, until I realized that the product was actually people.

Before anyone thinks that I am judging this practice, I am actually intrigued. Providing a service for smaller businesses that may not have the resources to have dedicated HR offices, while also being able to provide a service to potential job seekers is a great deal. Staffing services and temp agencies provide this service (And I know that I've been fortunate to not need them).

Anyway, I just thought it was an interesting business. It also provides more background and resource knowledge for whenever I am capable of being self employed. It also provides me a name to look for. After all, it's not always what you know, but who you know.

Until next time, dear reader.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

So I've had a strange day so far. Not necessarily because anything out of the ordinary had happened, but because I've been overly energetic and spacing out a lot today. I actually had someone walk up behind me, I noticed it and then had to wait for what seemed like forever for my brain to process that a person was there and to acknowledge their greeting. If my body wasn't weird with regards to caffeine, I'd almost have a cup so that I could calm down. (Clarification: Caffeine puts me to sleep, so I have to stay away from the stuff if I have to drive or do anything productive.)

If I were to posit a theory as to why I'm so energetic, I'd have to say because of the night of awesome dreaming. Since I control my dreams, I don't have nightmares or even bad dreams anymore. I just fall into a dreamless sleep, which is rather boring. However, last night my subconscious came up with its own awesome dreams. Having a night where I can just sit back and relax into a dream was nice. If my subconscious wants to keep this up, I will gladly let it happen.

Of course, learning that ability wasn't the most pleasant experience. I saw a movie that was terrifying to me when I was a little boy (This is before I was suppose to have memory...) and as a result, I developed terrible nightmares and an occasional bout of REM apnea. If you don't know what that is like, I'll describe the experience for you. You have a dream where a murderer has chased you into a dark room and is now stalking you. You wake up to escape the dream right? Sure, but you still have sleep paralysis and are unable to move our even call out for help. So your mind is stuck with that awful dream playing in every shadow of the room. Not an experience to look forward to, that's for sure. So, my mind aided me in breaking that nightly cycle.

Now I get to cruise through dreams, sure. But some days, I do miss the ability to just let bad things happen in a dream. If only so that I can feel more "normal". Of course, I like me to much to want to change that at all. (Yes, I'm THAT smug jerk.) Anyway, I'll end today's random psychoanalysis and wish you all a great day.

Until next time, dear reader.

Good Advice Is Hard To Come By

I'll preface this entry by saying that it will be very.... open about some intimate details. Basically, this is your TMI warning. This post is mostly a rant, but it is a rant about sexual advice from Cosmopolitan. This is the opportunity to look away if the details are too much information or if you are easily offended. Alright, warnings are done, so let's rant!

As a man, I continue to make the same mistake. Cosmopolitan will use a headline like, "The 10 things your man wants tonight!" This style of headline has me as a man wondering what 10 things they could possibly be referring to, which means I read their "advice". Of course, I'm then left wondering why I even bothered afterwards.

Here is where I lay into some details, so if you ignore the earlier warning, then stop reading.

The latest issue had a quiz that tested a woman's "penis" knowledge. Seeing how I have one, I figured this would be a cakewalk. Imagine my surprise when I was wrong on almost every answer! Size when not erect? Wrong. Shape when erect? Wrong. Refraction period length? Wrong. Orgasm length? Wrong. Evidently my penis is a terrible teacher. It has failed to teach me any of the "absolute facts" that I've never experienced! Add I've heard it told, I'm an anomaly with regards to average performance and so my experience's may not have qualified me for "passing" this quiz.

Just for your sake, I'll post the quiz and answers for you to compare. It's all true or false, so it's not like it's hard, right?

1) The average guy's O lasts about six seconds.

True. (Glad I'm not average there!)

2) Penises are approximately five inches long when not hard.

False. It's 3.5 inches. (What do I know. I've never had a flaccid penis, right?)

3) After a guy finishes, he can't get it up for about 10 minutes.

False. It should take about 30 minutes. (If you said B.S., you are reading my mind!)

4) The bigger his feet, the bigger his man bits.

False. No correlation. (I got one! I'm not a complete failure.)

5) The only way to cure blue balls is by getting off.

False. Take a cold shower, aspirin, or think about something else. (This can't be new information. The cold shower is pretty common knowledge isn't it?)

6) When he goes into deep REM sleep, he gets an erection.

True. (Morning wood ahead! 50% at this point! I've gotten three in a row!)

7) When he's turned on, his package is shaped like a boomerang.

True. (A what? Maybe I've seen some awkward boomerang...)

So I got 3/7, if my interjections didn't give that away... Of course, there were also the articles in the magazine that had me cringing at their advice. Sometimes, it's better to communicate with a guy you are in a relationship with (or at least friends enough to talk about sex with), instead of consulting an assortment of men off of the street and giving them a small number of options.

Anyway, this rant was rather pointless, but I wanted to post it anyway. If you read this and are offended, do remember that I warned you. If you are leaving never to return, please do let me know! Feedback is a nice thing and I'd like to remember your visiting! Anyway, I'm off to go do something less productive.

Until next time, dear reader.

Remembrance and Celebration

Today is the day that we in America have decided to recognize Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. for all that he did during the Civil Rights Era. It is remarkable to look back and see that in such a short time, we have moved from legalized and institutionalized segregation, to having an African-American sit as the elected leader of our Government. It is a humbling and sobering thought.

One of the things that actually makes me join in the celebration of the man is that he utilized diplomacy when he realistically had no leverage. He utilized the love of the fellow man to grow public support and ultimately lost his life trying to pursue the notion of equality for all, regardless of race or belief system. Who we are as people should determine our worth, not the melanin levels within our skin.

While I was not always a believer in peaceful means being effective, I have since learned the error of that style of thinking. This change in thinking was what lead me to appreciate Malcolm X as a whole person. His initial story and message was one that matched my fledgling beliefs of equality. As he grew and learned from others, as I did, he learned the value of true racial equality. Many times I have to remember that not others have had the "transformative" moments yet, and so they may still be ignorant (I'm looking on the bright side and hoping that they aren't just hateful).

Anyway, I've rambled on enough about this stuff. In summation, Happy Belated Birthday, MLK, Jr. Thank you for your lessons and legacy.

Until next time, dear reader.

Moviegoing and Harsh Critics

I've been on vacation from work for the last two weeks. So I have been spending my evenings watching movies that I've wanted to see but never made the time to view. They have largely been movies based upon existing literature, so I've gone into the movies with the assumption that they will not be as good as the book (They rarely are, but it's a difficult medium to translate). This assumption, as it turns out, allowed me to enjoy the movies more than I would have.

I find that comic books have a late amount of back story, which can be difficult for new comic fans and is why Marvel and DC are constantly having "events" that reestablish their continuity. This back story means that a movie has a lot to work with, in my opinion anyway. Which is why the comic need in me is so distraught when it is all discarded for a Hollywood script. If you'd like an example of how distraught, engage me about Spider-man 3 sometime. (Probably a bad idea actually.) Anyway, I need to get back to my point.

Watching The Hobbit: Unexpected Journey was more enjoyable because I didn't utilize the book as the measuring tool, but instead utilized the movie itself. The critic in me was divided into the book fan and the standard moviegoer. The book fan was able to see where the book was cut and how it may have improved or detracted from the movie. It was an interesting thought and viewing experiment. The critic in me evolves.

Until next time, dear reader.

Twitter As An Exercise Tool

So I found myself searching for something to post here while I wait for my daughter to get out of school. Through this writer's block, I realized that I've been using Twitter to stimulate my mind into actually giving voice to the random bits of thought and information that come to mind. It has been an interesting experiment so far, with a widening of my ability to express myself in more succinct terms. The character limit means that I have to for the meaning of my thoughts into the 140 characters that they allow. As I love the English language too much to butcher it, I have to monitor word choice and really focus on the message that I wish to convey.

Of course this clashes with my learned method of discourse for writing, as I like to throw as many words at a sentence as possible in order to have a higher word count. So the mental process that I've held onto for so long are now tested and changed each day. Hopefully this blog provides a similar experience, as I am not overly verbose when speaking. I like myself enough to be comfortable in silence, yet I'm aware how awkward that makes a situation. (Full disclosure: I say comfortable enough when I mean that I'm constantly ego checking myself in order to stop myself from coming across as smug or conceited. I'm aware that it is a flaw and so I work to improve myself.) So I will utilize a familiar and comfortable manner of communication in order to express myself. The more I learn and practice the skill, the more I grow as a person. Yay for progress, right?

Until next time, dear reader.

Late night...or early morning?

Children are a strange and beautiful thing. My youngest is not feeling well, so she does that one baffling thing children do. She cried and fussed because she is exhausted and wants to go to sleep. Mind you, this would be okay if we were keeping her up. Since she is in bed and woke up to be fussy, the frustration is pretty high. Of course, here I am awake and writing this at 3 in the morning. However, I heard from a friend about how she writes about her thoughts and dreams before bed. Since I thought this was a good idea, I'm now stealing the concept for myself.

Anyway, I'll be getting back to my movie and being the overly critical snob that I am. (If the sarcasm there wasn't palpable enough, I'll go ahead and say that the movie part is the only truth in the previous sentence.) I'm a critic, but I leave the snob business for those who know how to do it. Now to stop rambling...

Until next time, dear reader.

Just a heads up

Since this is a blog that covers the random thoughts that come to my mind, there will be entries that cover intimate or taboo topics. I'll be diligent and inform anyone before hand about these posts. If you read these posts, it was your own fault!

Through The Looking Glass

I am a night owl by nature, so I like to catch the late night programming on PBS before I retire for the night. The special on last night was one that hit close to home: The Abolitionists: American Experience. Being African-American, I was very into the history and stories of slavery. Partially because it gave me incentive to live my life as successfully as possible, but also because I wanted to see how a human being could possibly feel that slavery was justified. This episode focused specifically on Frederick Douglas and his run to freedom and the subsequent assistance that he provided to the abolitionist movement.

Watching the story of torture and abuse and how common it was really brought home how inhumane the experience was for all involved. Seeing human beings in photographs with more affection being shown for the family dog was heart wrenching. It was even more awful to see a Master vow to hunt down his slave and teach him a lesson, despite the fact that he was now a successful author and well known across the United States. When they told of the transformative escape that he made to England, my heart hurt even more because he had an experience that I don't even have now in 2013. He was entirely free of racism.

That single bit of the episode really brought home how far that we have come as a society, but also how far we have to go as well. For the most part, I am not judged by my race. I can walk into almost any business and be viewed as a viable customer, however that is not every business. Lastly, I have friends that cover a wide swath of different races, cultures, and belief systems and we all consider each other equals. We have certainly made progress and I look forward to seeing the world that my children and grandchildren will live in.

History teaches us a great deal, but gazing through the looking glass of time certainly allows us to gain an appreciation for the lessons and stewardship that those before us displayed on my behalf.

Until next time, dear reader.

Welcome to the internet!

Welcome to a small piece of my mind. While that may seem creepy at first, I assure you that it is much worse! I kid......mostly. I need to spend more time actually utilizing this blog, so I am making the time to start posting.

I have to say that 2013 really needs to get better. This year has certainly started off rocky... We started the year off by mourning the passing of my nephew, who was only four months old at the time. I have since decided to ensure that I take the opportunities that I am presented. Or make them myself if I need to. I won't make any formal resolutions to that effect, however I do intend to adhere to this goal. I guess that is really all that I have for now.

Until next time, dear reader!