Emotion Laid Bare

Hello reader! I truly apologize for my absence. I know that it's been a few weeks and I've not provided my end of the reader-blog writer agreement. So, I'm here now to try and rectify that situation.

One of the things that has been bothering me lately is not really feeling like I have an emotional release. I live by rules of logic and so I generally under utilize my emotions. Of course, as we all know, this will eventually lead to some sort of breakdown. I suppose tonight was that night for me.

Trying to reach out and access those emotions that have been bottled up, laying myself out there and trusting that it's okay to be vulnerable... Which then results in a rejection. Normally, I can use logic to rationalize why the rejection occurred and just sheriff it off. However, tonight was just a culmination of a lot of different factors, ending in this feeling of having my soul crushed. Even now, I'm trying to rationalize and justify away the emotions, just so I don't have to process them. Which is incredibly unhealthy. But when I don't have a person that I feel it would be fair to dump them on, what do you do?

I know that I've been battling this feeling of being a failure. I feel like I'm failing myself mostly, which is the hardest type of failure to deal with for me. I expend so much of my time trying to help others or pretend as if everything is great, when the reality is far different. I also know that spending so much time alone doesn't help, as I really enjoy social interaction. Talking and bouncing ideas off another person, or persons, helps to assuage these feelings of self-doubt and show me just how I'm not at all failing.

It's something to keep in mind anyway. Now to find a positive manner of dealing with my hurt feelings and processing my emotions like a mature adult. This is all a learning experience though, right? True wisdom is something you earn by living through these types of lessons.

Sorry for the downer blog post. I suppose it was just something I needed to get off my virtual chest, right?

Until next time, dear reader.