Good Advice Is Hard To Come By

I'll preface this entry by saying that it will be very.... open about some intimate details. Basically, this is your TMI warning. This post is mostly a rant, but it is a rant about sexual advice from Cosmopolitan. This is the opportunity to look away if the details are too much information or if you are easily offended. Alright, warnings are done, so let's rant!

As a man, I continue to make the same mistake. Cosmopolitan will use a headline like, "The 10 things your man wants tonight!" This style of headline has me as a man wondering what 10 things they could possibly be referring to, which means I read their "advice". Of course, I'm then left wondering why I even bothered afterwards.

Here is where I lay into some details, so if you ignore the earlier warning, then stop reading.

The latest issue had a quiz that tested a woman's "penis" knowledge. Seeing how I have one, I figured this would be a cakewalk. Imagine my surprise when I was wrong on almost every answer! Size when not erect? Wrong. Shape when erect? Wrong. Refraction period length? Wrong. Orgasm length? Wrong. Evidently my penis is a terrible teacher. It has failed to teach me any of the "absolute facts" that I've never experienced! Add I've heard it told, I'm an anomaly with regards to average performance and so my experience's may not have qualified me for "passing" this quiz.

Just for your sake, I'll post the quiz and answers for you to compare. It's all true or false, so it's not like it's hard, right?

1) The average guy's O lasts about six seconds.

True. (Glad I'm not average there!)

2) Penises are approximately five inches long when not hard.

False. It's 3.5 inches. (What do I know. I've never had a flaccid penis, right?)

3) After a guy finishes, he can't get it up for about 10 minutes.

False. It should take about 30 minutes. (If you said B.S., you are reading my mind!)

4) The bigger his feet, the bigger his man bits.

False. No correlation. (I got one! I'm not a complete failure.)

5) The only way to cure blue balls is by getting off.

False. Take a cold shower, aspirin, or think about something else. (This can't be new information. The cold shower is pretty common knowledge isn't it?)

6) When he goes into deep REM sleep, he gets an erection.

True. (Morning wood ahead! 50% at this point! I've gotten three in a row!)

7) When he's turned on, his package is shaped like a boomerang.

True. (A what? Maybe I've seen some awkward boomerang...)

So I got 3/7, if my interjections didn't give that away... Of course, there were also the articles in the magazine that had me cringing at their advice. Sometimes, it's better to communicate with a guy you are in a relationship with (or at least friends enough to talk about sex with), instead of consulting an assortment of men off of the street and giving them a small number of options.

Anyway, this rant was rather pointless, but I wanted to post it anyway. If you read this and are offended, do remember that I warned you. If you are leaving never to return, please do let me know! Feedback is a nice thing and I'd like to remember your visiting! Anyway, I'm off to go do something less productive.

Until next time, dear reader.